D.I.V.A.

During a critical conversation with my boss the other day I was told that I am perceived around the office as being, “a bit of a diva.” Well you got me there, I thought. In fact, I suspected the words he chose, “a bit of a diva” were deliberately understated to soften the delivery. If that’s as strong as the perception truly is then I’d say people around work don’t really know me at all. You want to see a diva, I can give you a Capital D to the IVA.

I pledged to attempt to work harder at developing interpersonal relationships with people around the office, and my clients. He went on. He used the word “aloof”– a word I detest. I explained what others perceive as being aloof is really just being guarded. I’m careful, I’m diplomatic, I’m professional. I guess that comes off to some people as entitled snobby little punk. Oh well I guess, if the stiletto fits . . .

After having a relaxing weekend away from the daily grind, spent in my true element preparing pieces to show in a fantastic art and fashion show this summer, creating and dreaming and reveling in the glittering colorful beautiful world inside my head, I emerged Monday morning with a wonderfully renewed sense of self. The perhaps unfortunate byproduct of this renewal, however, being that I realized I don’t much care what people at the office think of me.

In general, I don’t care all that much what anyone thinks of me anyway. Sure I like to be liked, but not being liked doesn’t have any effect whatsoever on how much I like me. I did say that I’ll try to “reach out” more at work, and I will, but I’m certainly not going to bend over backwards to make people see me as any less of a diva. If anything, they better be ready to see more of one. At one point in that horribly awkward conversation with my boss I did explain that the momentum I’m building with Shameless Glamour (which they are thankfully supportive of) is so exiting for me that I am likely to feel a little extra empowered and a little extra confident as things continue to blossom for me in that area of my life. That’s likely to make me act even more diva-esque.

Truthfully, I can hardly wait for the day when Shameless Glamour is ready to become my full time gig and I no longer have to have a “day job.” This is after all the dream of every small time entrepreneur in the beginning. Holding on to that dream is what gives me the strength to get up every week day and go to my boring thankless job.

The message that I have to share through my creations, through my REAL work, is one that by its nature, creates divas. Divas of all shapes and sizes and colors and orientations. Those are the people who wear my designs. Those are the people who know me. Those are the people I want to spend time around. Fellow artists and craftspeople. Lovers of all things sparkly. My Shameless Diva Nation.

If through my art I inspire even one little girl or boy to hold their head up high, rock some rhinestones and be the diva they were born to be, even if people will call them “aloof” or “snobby” or any of a hundred other things a diva can be called by people who don’t understand them, then it will be more than worth not having a lot of friends in the business world. The business world doesn’t get me. It doesn’t get any of us. But honestly, would we want it to? I’d say the business world better watch who it calls a bit of a diva, because it could be worse. I’m guessing if someone has an issue with me not asking about their day before I make a request of them, then they really wouldn’t like me walking around wearing a crown and a rhinestone encrusted corset in the office every day . . . and that could be arranged.

World Peace

There is a rather well known stereotype that women who compete in beauty pageants are a bunch of vapid sparkly coked-up airheads who think that “world peace” is actually an achievable thing and given an opportunity to address a crowd, (such as during their moment of on stage glory during a beauty pageant) they will speak of it in a dewy, idealistic, generally ignorant way, with glassy eyes staring into oblivion and a robotic perma-smile emblazoned on their clueless faces.

Another sterotype about beauty queens, and perhaps this is more of a stereotype known better to those involved in the pageant world, is that beauty queens are shameless self-promoters. I had a very intense philosophical discussion about this with two fellow beauty queen friends in the car on the drive over to the pageant we all attended together a few weeks ago. (Yes, beauty queens have intense philosophical discussions). The word shameless kept coming up over and over. Shameless, being the entire theme of my business and something I generally look at as being a positive, self affirming, make no excuses, love who you are quality, could also be used to describe the, “get a picture of me in my crown over here with this homeless guy” mentality that beauty queens so easily fall victim too in the race for a bigger crown.

Like most stereotypes, both of these generalities have some roots in truth. But it’s the over generalizing and applying to wider groups of people that creates a stereotype, and makes it offensive in the first place. As a beauty pageant contestant, I am here to tell you, I have never tried cocaine. The rest of it, all true. My two friends and I made a pact in the car that night to be more aware of the self promotion behavior this year, and keep our actual volunteerism separate from our “appearances” where the crown and sash come out. As for the behavior of acting like Prozac zombie Barbies who believe in world peace . . . well, I’m not sure I can do anything about that one.

I do believe world peace is possible, and I do believe that human kind can forge a continued existence on this tortured planet and move toward healing the damage we’ve already done. Maybe I’m a little naïve, maybe I’m a little over-idealistic, but I don’t think its ignorance that allows me to still believe in the possibility of world peace and world wide healing. I pay attention. I watch John Stewart.

With the people of several nations in Northern Africa rising up over the past month and overthrowing their dictatorial governments, I think a lot of people like myself have found inspiration watching revolutions unfold. Yes, its not exactly peaceful, but times like this, tragic as they are, make you believe in strength in numbers, make you feel that by working together we can accomplish common goals, even a goal of eventual peace among Nations. If they can do that, then we can also do whatever it is that’s close to our own hearts here at home.

At the pageant a few weeks ago, when I wasn’t scrutinizing every inch of their butts for cellulite and thinking to myself “omg, I wonder if my thighs are that jiggly . . . ” I listened carefully to the ladies on stage talking about their individual platforms. I was inspired by the sheer variety of topics out there to be tackled and seeing that each of these ladies was taking on something different. The following week, a fellow member of a Green Living Committee I’m involved in through a professional organization, leant me a video. It’s called One Peace at a Time. The premise of this wonderful film is that if all the world’s problems or all of a region’s or group’s problems piled on top of each other seem too big to handle, too much to ever solve, one should start with the most basic one, and go from there. Just pick something, and tackle the thing that is the most basic item at the heart of the problem that’s important to you, and work on that.

That’s what beauty queens do. Beauty queens have an uncanny ability to pick a cause as their personal platform, roll up their beaded sleeves and dive into it, driving support to it, and speaking about it with passion, this is one of the reasons I’m proud to be a beauty queen, despite the stereotypes associated with it. Sure, we tend to make our personal stand wearing a crown and stopping occasionally to pose for photo-ops, but all self-promotion aside, there really isn’t many other activities in the modern world that allow a gal a reason to wear a crown in pubic, so you have to forgive us for wanting to get as much use out of it as possible.

I have also recently been looking for a way to use my business, Shameless Glamour, to support some of my personal causes so that it won’t just be a hollow and empty venture supplying sparkly things for meaningless purposes. (and to tie it in with my pageant platform thereby providing me with seamless segway options when discussing my business aspirations in a pageant interview, to move into talking about my community involvement . . . damn that is pretty self-promoting isn’t it?) So, anyway, this weekend, on an inspiration binger, between redesigning my website and ripping apart the altogether wrong start I had on my latest corset project, I designed a very special “Earth” glass nugget glitter cocktail ring.

I’ve been making these fun daytime casual glitter glass nugget rings with Hello Kitty and Mr. Yuck stickers for a while now, but I’m really excited about this new design, because it’s more than fashion, it’s meaning. It’s my little symbol of a clean, healthy, peaceful, sparkly, beautiful, utopian world. I’ve decided that the proceeds from the sales of this particular ring design will be donated to Environmental Working Group and/or Washington Toxics Coalition campaigns. It’s a small thing, but for my little fledgling business, (which is not exactly making a profit yet) I think it’s a good start. I believe that what the world truly needs to deal with the issues facing our generation as leaders, is just that, a start. . . . and world peace.

Humility

I have a girlfriend who will be celebrating her 30^th this year on Halloween and she and her sister and I have decided to do it up big in Vegas. Since my 30^th birthday ended up falling on a cold windy rainy traffic laden Friday night, my birthday party that year (as well as every major birthday party I've ever had) was less than well attended. So I'm looking forward to her's, October in a climate where you can wear a skimpy outfit without planning on only going places that have a coat and umbrella check. And since its Las Vegas, and I happen to be a woman who owns a jewelry company, it will be one more opportunity this year to draw some attention and hand out some business cards.

Yes, Halloween is still seven months away, but I do tend to plan my costumes that far ahead, I mean that kind of fabulousness can't just be whipped out at the last minute, it takes preparation. As things continue to come together for the online store, and I make plans for a blow out launch party and a trip to the East Coast this summer for a pageant/PR campaign, the year is shaping up to be a very over the top all out glam year for me. I wouldn't want it any other way (you know, in case this is the year before the end of modern society as we know it.)

In keeping with the all out glam theme, I think it may finally be the year I do Marie Antionette. I hadn't gone there before because it got a little cliché trendy there for a few years when the movie with Kirsten Dunst came out, but that is dying down now so I think it might be the perfect time to go for it. I've also been having these visions lately of how I might someday pull together a dream of an actual physical store, and in my mind's eye, I see white glitter covered mannequins in the front window, with Marie Antionette wigs, wearing my little feathered top hats and mini crowns. The fabulous former Dauphine of France is sort of becoming a sub-theme to my 2011.

The one issue I've been stumbling over a little since my revelation about contributing to the downfall of society, has been finding a balance between the utter fabulousness that I normally embody, and something called . . . humility. Shamelessness is pretty much the exact opposite of humility. How does one keep a modicum of humility when all of their goals involve promoting something that's all about freedom of expression, freedom to be over the top, and the freedom to boldly say “LOOK AT ME!!!?”

Well, for a start, I'm working on a page for my website to provide links and information on various charitable and/or activist organizations I already support, and can support even more through my business. For example, things like donating some jewelry to The Ruby Room, a local organization which collects used formal gowns and provides them to girls who can't afford a dress for their prom. Girls need the right jewelry for that prom dress, too. Shameless Glamour is going to be all about helping teens cultivate self-esteem through supporting organizations like The Ruby Room and keeping the arts in schools, as well as safe cosmetics for glamour that doesn't hurt the environment or cause disease. So, social responsibility may provide a little bit of weight to the other side of the scale, conscious-wise, but does it really help me remain humble? No, not really. It makes me feel even better about myself. Now look at me, I'm all sparkly and fabulous and helping others and saving the world and crap.

The thing about the word humilty that scares me is that from the same root comes the word humilate. I don't like to be humiliated. I don't want to have to lose embarrassingly to learn a lesson. I don't want to lose period. I want to be the decisive and glorious victor. Funny that my choice for a Halloween costume this year is someone who I'm sure, must have felt the same way. I wonder if Marie Antionette had moments (maybe just before the angry mob of French countrymen chopped off her head?) when she thought she needed a little more humility? Maybe I should go as Marie, post revolution. A zombie with head re-attached, yet now humble, Marie Antionette. Hmmm . . . I'll think about it.

Ah crap, did I just start the Apocalypse?

A horrifying thought occurred to me the other day and its got me all twisted up and confused about my goals. Well, ok not really. To tell the truth, it’s the kind of internal conflict that should have me all twisted up and conflicted, but it doesn’t. I suppose that’s the truly terrifying part, the fact that even the notion I may be contributing to true evil strengthening its foothold in our already corrupt and sinking society isn't dissuading me from wanting to promote my website, continue making new pieces to list in my Etsy store every night, and stockpiling supplies for genuinely fantastic statement art pieces to someday be displayed in galleries and in my own chain of storefronts.

I have these visions in my head for various objects which I intend to completely cover in rhinestones, large things, that will take a lot of frikin rhinestones. Like a mounted fiberglass replica of a marlin. I would call it “Disco Fish.” Its absurd and fabulous at the same time. As I’m thinking about the logistics in my head, though, I also thought about how I would describe my work when asked about it in a gallery setting.

The first question people will ask me about my art is am I trying to make a statement about excess? Something so blatantly excessive, it has to either be a commentary on our world of wanton do-whatever-you-want-iness, or its encouraging it. In my case, the whole theme of my business being “shameless glamour” – I’m not really going to be able to pull off making a social commentary on it. I’m totally encouraging it, and encouraging it shamelessly. I’m encouraging people to robe themselves in rhinestones and feathers, revel in excess and flaunt frivolity shamelessly. I’m basically promoting Sodom and Gomorra. I'm bringing on the very apocalypse.

I mean lets be honest, the end of the world has to be getting close anyway. Society is getting so corrupt and excessive and lustful with its 24 hours connectedness, automated everything, instant gratification everywhere, and now people like me out there selling rhinestone top hats and corsets. Real salt of the Earth, Angelique. There won’t be much use for a rhinestone encrusted corset during the apocalypse. Except for maybe as some kind of unnecessarily glamorous lightweight body armor. . .

Maybe that’s what’s got me so scared, really. The idea that the fun may be nearly over. Is it time to party like it’s 2011? I put off learning archery in favor of covering fish with rhinestones. Damn. Well, all I can really say is that if its almost over, if this is going to be the last year I have to ride the wave of frivolous bliss, I wouldn't want it any other way. At least I'll make some memories. I'm going to have a fabulous launch party a little later this year, and I'm going to go to New York this summer. I wouldn't want for the stupid apocalypse to happen and take away my means for being able to do those things, and not have done them. I wouldn't want to be huddling around a fire in a barrel at a refugee camp off some desolate dusty highway telling the youngsters about the good ol days and not have a fantastic story to explain why my body armor is made of rhinestones.

First glimpse

Reinvention and crap

Reinvention is part of the life of any business, and sometimes is necessary before you even get very far off the ground. After some further research on the name “Boutique Angelique,” I found that it was being used by a chick in Jersey with a prom dress shop that had a pretty bad reputation. There are several customer reviews about this dress shop saying that the Owner made rude comments to teenage girls as they tried on prom dresses along the lines of “you can’t afford that dress” and “that dress just highlights how fat you are.” TO TEENAGE GIRLS! Nice going, way to sully the name Angelique for all of us.

So I made the decision the name needed to be changed before I got too serious about promoting. I needed a name that conjured thoughts of feathers and rhinestones, images of grand staircase entrances and white limousines, red velvet curtains and the call of the spotlight. It had to be something that one could overhear conversations about and remember, and it had to have a .com domain that was available and easy to spell. The hunt for this perfect name PAINED me for weeks. It was all I could think about. I would randomly shout out potential names, for example, standing in line at Starbucks I suddenly yelled out like a burst of Turrets, “Jaunty-Jaunty.” It didn’t get the reaction I had hoped. Then again, people thinking you’re crazy is already off to a bad start.

Jaunty is my favorite word, but I finally had to admit to myself its kind of hard to say, and I didn’t like any of the available combinations of the word for the name of a boutique. In one moment of weakness and desperation, I actually paid to register the name “HumanPlumage.com.” Then I posted for my faithful facebook friends to give me feedback on it. Instead of grand staircases and limousines, I'm told this apparently conjures thoughts of rare diseases and human excrement. Not exactly what I’m going for.

I did sort of come to a point where I thought I was being a little too picky, and trying too hard to be clever. I thought maybe I should just pick something a little simpler, like “Angelique’s Accessories Store,” or some crap. Or “Jaunty-Crap.” I actually shouted that one out in the car while out grocery shopping with my husband. Just didn’t have quite the right ring either. In an effort to help, he suggested “Blue Sea Boutique.” I asked him what about handbags, jewelry and hats made him think of the sea, he had no idea. Then he tried “Crescent Moon Boutique,” To which I had to ask, “are you just looking at stuff you see and suggesting I name my store that?” It was clear that his heart was in the right place, but the perfect name for my boutique was not going to come from him.

Then FINALLY inspiration. The word shameless fell into my mind from somewhere. Shameless Glamour.

I mulled about it for a few minutes, I wrote it down, sketched it with my logo. The more I thought about the meanings and implications, the more I fell in love with it. Shameless Glamour is no fear, no excuses, balls out, this is me! I love glitz and I’m not afraid to admit it! Yes I WILL wear rhinestones to the beach. I’d wear rhinestones on frikin safari, you got a problem with THAT . . . elephant?

I thought for a moment, while writing this blog entry, about trying to play the whole painful public struggle I endured wrestling with the name off as an intentional publicity stunt. I could claim that I had Shameless Glamour all along, I was just building anticipation, roping people in. But I realized people would likely see right through me, I'm not that good of a liar. The truth is I struggled, the name had to find me, and I'm thankful it finally did.

I'm spending my time off work this week completely re-branding and re-merchandising my Etsy store to match the look and feel of the Shameless Glamour website now taking shape. Ditching the navy blue satin motif I started with, (and in retrospect now wonder what the hell I was thinking) I'm painting all my manikins and display pieces white, then covering them with iridescent glitter, and using white chiffon as a backdrop. All my photos are going to have this shimmery white ethereal magical princess wonderland thing going on, shamelessly.

Next up, I'll be buying and stockpiling inventory for a little bit until I have enough to really launch the website with a good amount of merchandise for sale. ShamelessGlamour.com will aim to be THE one-stop-shop for all pageant/drag show/ burlesque performance accessory needs: carrying flashy costume jewelry, hats and hairpieces, tiaras, gloves, hosiery, evening bags, eyelashes, butt glue, and of course provide a venue to highlight my own “originals” line.

Shameless Glamour. Make no excuses for fabulousness. BAM! KAPOW! That’s what I’m talking about! And it doesn't make you think of poop.

I don't wanna brag, but I'm pretty awesome

I haven't sold anything as of yet, but I know that sales are coming to Boutique Angelique. (I'm not 100% settled on that name yet, some guy in Utah bought the .com domain like eight years ago and although there's still no website attached to it, I'm not sure I want to go through the hassle of trying to buy it from him.) Anyway, as I was saying, I know that huge success, trade shows, red carpets and possibly my own reality tv show are coming. I feel it every time I look at the mounting inventory that I'm spending a ton of my own money creating without so much as one sale yet to cover the costs of the materials.

I was struck by inspiration once again this weekend after finishing up the mini Marie Antoinette crowns that my nieces are getting for Christmas, I created what I'm sure must be the worlds first top hat crown. Top hat tiara? Rhinestone top hat. Mini burlesque top hat made out of frikin rhinestones. I'm not fishing for compliments or anything, but tell me that isn't the most frikin ingenious and fabulous thing you've EVER HEARD OF! I know that people are going to want to buy these. If I hadn't just made it, I would want to buy it. I would spend a considerable amount of money for something so awesome.

So I am in a very exciting place right now. I have some re-photographing to do to improve how my item's photos tie in with an overall theme and feel to my Etsy store, and eventually my boutique website. I will have new inventory to list soon, and once I feel I've got the theme pulled together and a good amount of stuff listed, I will have some serious networking/advertising to do. There will be Girl Power Hours and other women's networking functions to attend, there will be pageants, drag shows, and burlesque schools at which to showcase my wares to a targeted audience. There will be tweeting.

I'm so excited right now, I'm so encouraged and uplifted. I had to blog about this feeling because I know that as any successful business owner will tell you, there will be darker times. Somewhere between today and the days to come of red carpets and reality tv shows, there will likely be times when I struggle to keep my head above water. There will likely be times when I think about giving up. I want this blog entry on record so that I can go back and remind myself of how much fun I had in the beginning, and how happy it made me to work toward making it big doing something I love.