Preparation . . . Trepidation . . . Palpitations

So my second stab at being a real Designer and producing an actual runway show is about to unfold tomorrow. I'll be showing at Sugar does Portland, which is set to be much bigger and sexier and louder than Sugar does Seattle was in July, so I'm super duper excited, and equally as nervous. I put everything I had into this collection over the past month (as well as a couple hundred dollars that I DIDN'T have's worth of fabric, rhinestones and hot glue) and its finally finished and ready to show. I have been completely freaking out for the last three or four days thinking I wasn't going to make it with things still in pieces and missing trims and zippers . . . all the while my brain was running in a million directions at once and instead of focusing on completing my finishing touches, I keep getting sidetracked adding new pieces and working on non-essential things like a pair of shoes for moi to wear at the event. Of course, after completing one shoe and seeing how absolutely frikin amazeballs it was, I had to move finishing the shoes over to the essential column, and I did stay up til about 3 am last night making sure those shoes are runway ready. Cinderella and Dorothy got nothin on me. *snap*

I actually love it when the creative process takes me places like that where I completely didn't expect it to go. Like how the last afterthought piece that I just threw together to fill out the line up could somehow end up being my favorite look in the collection. Or how I struggled to figure out which look to put on which models from a group of mostly first time runway models with wildly varied heights and measurements none of whom I've worked with before, but came to the conclusion that the mix of talent and variety and experience levels is actually going to create something truly magical. I had set a goal after the last Sugar show that the next time I did a runway collection it would have more cohesion and a clear vision. I think I have accomplished that goal. I think it will look amazing and tell a story and I'm so excited to share it with the world!

After I get through this show, its back to focusing on everything else I should have been doing this month that got put on hold so I could do this collection. Like writing my business plan and working on presentation materials for my pitch to beg for start up capital for Lime Light, paying my bills and being a wife, a daughter, a sister and a beauty queen.

I'm actually off to kind of a rocky start in the beauty queen department again in 2012. Chalk it up to being out of practice, I guess, but I'm just not quite back into the swing of it yet. OK, who am I kidding, I never really was all that great at it in the first place, but I had also set a goal that if I did this pageant again, I would really commit and do it right this time. So, I plan to start getting out there and representing Snohomish County and spreading the word about preventing chemical injury a little later this month with a visit to the Health Fair being held at Providence Medical Center here in Everett. They are having an open house to show off their new fancy scmanchy hyperbaric chambers, which I have to say, are kind of cool. I'll just kind of choose to forget that January was pretty much a wash as far as making public appearances with full-on crown and sash.

I did make it out to Girl Power Hour's Go Red for Women event the Friday before my Mom was scheduled to have a pacemaker installed, so I was admittedly a little distracted and a little extra emotional at that particular event. I'm happy to report though, that my Mom did great, and she is now bionic. She has always been the strongest, wisest, most caring woman I know, and now she is stronger, faster, better than ever.

My Mom has always been the perfect role model, the perfect example of what I would want to be if I do make the choice to become a mother someday. She instilled in me my strong sense of self and always encouraged my creativity. I was extremely relieved and happy to celebrate Women's Heart Health Month with Mom, who can now call herself a survivor (and a cyborg)!

A little known fact about my Mom, is that she wanted to be a Fashion Designer when she was a teenager. She was on the bigger side, so she taught herself how to sew so that she could have clothes that were in fashion because she couldn't buy in them off the rack. She never became a Designer, but now her daughter is following in her dreams. This strange twist of fate actually gave me the idea for a pair of paintings that I am hurriedly finishing tonight on a complete inspiration binger. As if I needed one more thing to have to finish before I leave for Portland tomorrow at 7:00 am, but this kind of inspiration comes from God, its a gift. You can't ignore it, and you can't turn it off. The only way to get rid of the feeling it gives you is to create what its telling you to create, it has to come out. I only took a break to throw down a blog entry because I needed to wait for a layer of paint to dry. I'm so thankful to have my Mom as my example and to have learned everything that I have from her. Now back to painting and packing.

Wish me luck, readers, and I'll see you all after the show!

Life in Parallel Universes

How do I even begin to summarize all that's happened to me in the past 8 or 9 weeks or so since I last posted? It's interesting to think of the Universe as having many many parallel versions going on all at the same time, as some Astrophysicists hypothesize is the case. At any given crossroads we come to, when we choose to go one way, there is potentially a version of the world somewhere outside of our plane of perception where we made the opposite choice, and the consequences of that play out. God and the Universe at his command have handed me some major life changes in the past couple of months, and my life is now so different from what it was then that it seems almost like I've been transported from one reality into a parallel version where I'm happier and more motivated and headed in the direction that other old me should have been headed in years ago but wasn't awake enough to turn her butt around.

My last entry was dated 11.10.11, I was stuck in a job that I hated and looking for an avenue to gain experience in the fashion idustry so I could move toward a career change in that direction. The differences between the cold corporate world I trudged to every day and the exciting colorful inspiring world I'd had recent tastes of and now knew I belonged in, were so drastic that it made the every day at work much much worse. How could I be expected to focus on the task at hand when the task was crushing my soul? The very next day, as luck would have it, I got fired.

I knew I shouldn't be doing backflips over losing my job, but I was overcome with a sense of peace and relief almost instantly. I shed a few tears, I worried about my clients for a minute or two. Then I realized that I would forever look back on that event as one of the best things that's ever happened to me. Within a week, I had told my friend Kellie who had recently become a partner in the Sugar Art and Fashion Show company, that I had free time on my hands and would be happy to help them with preparations for their upcoming nationwide tour. Next thing I knew, I was an intern and an official member of the Sugar team. I became their Seattle based Designer Mentor, scouting fresh new Designers in cities across the country where the tour will be stopping, and supporting them along the way as they prepare their collections for the shows – and I found myself once again creating a collection for a Sugar show. Sugar does Portland is set for February 10^th and I will be showing an 8 look collection which is rapidly coming together now, inspired as I mentioned in my last entry, by Venetian Carnival . . . imagined as a twisted, promiscuous, Studio 54-esque society party in black and white. It's pretty frikin hot.

It hasn't been that long that I've been living my life at this relaxed, artistic pace - staying up til 2:00 or 3:00 in the morning on creative binges then sleeping til 10:00 - but I already look back on my life as a Community Manager like it was another lifetime. It feels so far away now, and the thought of ever going back is just not even conceivable. I know I won't have to though, because I've determined to make my way in the world as a Business Owner. My little web store is up and running, but still not yet widely advertised or trafficked, so its really the perfect time to consider a re-brand and a new direction, a brick and mortar store! I'm enrolled in a business course that will help me put together a business plan and seek financing, and in the coming weeks I'll be doing all I can to save and raise capital for start up to make my vision of a warehouse fashion superstore girls playland come to life.

My store – which I've decided to call Lime Light – will be a true destination shopping experience. We'll carry Angelique Ashton Designs of course, as well as pageant and stage jewelry, corsets, hats, tu-tus, feather boas, heels, maybe even evening gowns . . . but the main attraction will be that the store has a runway and a full stage for live shows. It will be a boutique by day where ladies can pick up anything their heart desires for a costume or performance, and will be encouraged to step out of the dressing room onto the runway to work it – then by night the place will transform into the city's premier fashion venue, hosting fashion shows, bachelorette parties, and musical acts.

It will be a world unto itself, a parallel universe where a girl can still play dress up, no matter her age. It will be a safe place, where people are free to express who they are and have fun with it. Our multifaceted mission will be to spread glitter all over the community, promote self-esteem in teens and young women, promote safe and natural cosmetics and support the local Artist community. It will be the shimmery ethereal magical princess wonderland from inside my head, on the outside of my head. We will have champagne and cupcakes and live unicorns. I thought about cotton candy, but honestly, I'm not sure I want people with sticky fingers handling everything and petting my unicorns. I mean, they aren't self-bathing like cats, I have to wash them.

I was hesitant for a while to write about my baby in the making (that sounded weird . . .) Lime Light, as fragile a dream as it still is - for fear of failure once it was out there, for fear someone might steal my idea before I'm able to raise the money to do it, for fear of laughter or sideways looks, but now that its written, I realize there wasn't really anything to be afraid of. It will happen, and those reading this are only supporters, not – dare I say it – haters . . . or unicorn rights activists.

Next, partly as a result of having time on my hands, and partly because I was harboring a little residual disappointment that the Mrs. Earth pageant was postponed and I was unable to compete in it as planned this summer, and partly because my business caters to the pageant world and I know it would be good advertising . . . I've decided to participate in the Mrs. Washington America pageant this year, as Mrs. Snohomish County once again.

The pageant world is another of those parallel universes, different from regular life, and with its own set of rules. Not that anyone is going back and re-reading all my old blog entries, but I went through them and edited a little, for adult humor and language. While I like to add a little “punch” for comedic effect from time to time, I wanted to make it appropriate to be able to extend the invitation to my current year pageant sisters and anyone else following the pageant, to learn all about me through my random rambling musings.

So now you're up to date, my dream and vision is out of the bag, and there it all is. 2012 is going to be a year of fun, a year of glamour, a year of ambition, a year of making dreams reality, making new friends, and making magic! *Cloud of glitter flies at your face.*

(If I could make the computer blow glitter at you through the monitor right now I would - you'll just have to imagine that part).

Affirmation & Inspiration

 So I know my many many (like all three) blog followers have been waiting with baited breath to hear about my costume collection unveil in Vegas over Halloween weekend. The collection I decided to call “Vegas Marie” was a trio of Marie Antoinette inspired corset and mini skirt combos with lace bell sleeves and a ton of blinged-out French glitter girl accessories. My two girlfriends and I rocked it on the Strip in honor of my friend Nicki's 30^th birthday. It was amazing. The photos are amazing portfolio material. We made the top 10 in a Las Vegas nightclub $25,000 costume contest and professional Las Vegas showgirls came up to me and asked me for business cards. It was everything I had hoped and more. It was affirmation.

It came on the heels of a horrible week – eh actually make that a horrible month at work leading me to the conclusion that I'm just not very good at being a property manager. I try, I care, but I still flounder. Possibly caring is really my problem. I take the constant criticism way too personally. I don't have the thick skin that business requires, I'm emotional, I'm passionate, and I pay for it.

This is exactly why I need to be doing something that I am passionate about, something I'm good at. My talents are going to waste. Being in a city like Las Vegas where everything you see is fantasy come to life really renews a person's dreams. Things are possible there. I know every time I go there I bring a piece of that magic back with me in my heart.

So the portfolio is coming together now with the Vegas Marie collection to round it out, and the website is actually up and running, although I still don't have quite enough inventory listed to feel ready to really launch advertising. Now that I have something I can show people to show what I can do, its time to set my sights on what will be the next big step. I would love to get a little more focused in my next collection, and show something that has real cohesion and vision, as opposed to just pulling out everything I already have in my closet and mashing it together. I need enough time to pull something like that together, so I'm thinking next summer. And I have a concept.

I'm not exactly ready to share the entire theme just yet, but I will say that the inspiration came from my trip to Vegas, and my beautiful friend Jessica. Since it was Halloween weekend, and we only had one costume actually planned for a three night stay, we had sort of planned ahead to bring costume accessories that could be worn the other two nights with regular party dresses, to be sort of “in costume”without having to go all out costume every night. Jessica brought us three gorgeous Venetian style masks. We ended up never wearing them. A few days after the trip, I glanced at my vanity at the pile of jewelry that I had unpacked in a fury looking for a pair of earrings we couldn't find when we were packing up already a half hour late for check out at the hotel . . . and the mask sitting prettily on top of the pile. Inspiration. In that pile of hurriedly unpacked accessories, I saw glitter and feathers and steamy Venetian Carnival nights. I love this part - the sketching and the dreaming, its almost as good as seeing it all live on real people. So stay tuned Glamour fans.

Sweet Success!

I finally have a few minutes to relax and reflect on the experience of my first fashion show. Last week I participated in the Sugar does Seattle Art and Fashion Show, a show that mashed together designers with all different kinds of aesthetics as well as local artists and musicians. It was insanely fun, inspiring, and I learned a ton about myself as a designer and the direction I'm headed in.

One thing I learned is that I'm not a fashion designer. I'm still an accessories designer who is baby stepping into the world of costuming, in that I do design one of a kind wearable art pieces that are intended as a focal point, rather than a complete look on their own. In order to not send models down the runway naked in just hats and jewelry, though, (as exciting a show as that would have made) I needed to come up with clothing looks that enhanced the designs I was showing. I went with sheer tulle ballgown skirts and fishnets on each model, rounding out a bubblegum fantasy look that I got by drawing inspiration from the idea of the Sugar show itself. This genius woman, Timmery Turner, created Sugar in LA to support and promote up and coming female artists and designers. The spirit of this showcase, marrying different forms of street art with the next things in fashion under an umbrella of sticky sweet love and respect for each other in the community, is beautiful in itself. The collection I found myself making for the show was inspired by graffiti, tattoos, candy and sugar.

It was frikin fabulous. Backstage was nothing short of complete insanity. I felt like I was watching myself from outside of my body most of the night. I ended up with the greatest group of models and hair and make up professionals who WORKED my creations, made everything come together and were so easy going. A couple of them told me at the end of the night that I kept my cool under pressure and I was well organized, which I took as the highest compliment considering I felt completely the opposite. It was HOT backstage (and not just because of the male models being body-painted in every corner). There was very little room to maneuver and to get models dressed and get hair and make up done, everyone was sweating gallons. Another very important tidbit I learned about my previously untested in a real world setting corset creations – is that they aren't washable. Eww . . .

Its impossible to reflect on the night and not see things that I could have done better. For instance, rather than spazzing out on how awesome of a frikin acid trip dreamscape it was seeing my collection standing live in front of me, I probably should have been doing designer-y stuff like last looks before they went out. Watching the video back I noticed things like a necklace that I forgot to put on one of the models, which unfortunately I think made that particular look, and a couple of the ballgown skirts that were worn high on the waist when I would preferred to see them a little lower slung. I also intended to make rings as thank you gifts for all my models, but as I was still putting tags and linings in and changing directions on things for the show the morning of the show, I realized I wasn't going to have time for that (Sorry models). Then there was my rather pathetic tiny little vendor table, which could have used about 6 additional feet of room to spread out merchandise for the display to really look the way I pictured it in my mind. All in all really, that's minor stuff. It went incredibly well and had the effect that I wanted it to. Publicity baby!

I talked with tons of fellow fashion industry peeps at the show, and since the show the connections have continued to be made. I'm terrified now to lose the momentum I have going at this moment, so hopefully it wont be too long before I'll be announcing whatever's up next for Shameless Glamour!

I also have had time since the show to reflect on that dang company name again, after hearing it shouted a million times throughout the day as we all tried to get organized, I realized its kind of long and doesn't roll off the tongue as nicely as one would hope. I have debated dropping the “glamour” and just being Shameless. I sort of feel now that glamour is kind of implied . . . Either way, SG or just Shameless, its going pretty well. The website is going to start getting regular retail items listed on it soon and have full online shopping functionality, and hopefully I'll get a website launch party together this Fall. Stay Tuned!

D.I.V.A.

During a critical conversation with my boss the other day I was told that I am perceived around the office as being, “a bit of a diva.” Well you got me there, I thought. In fact, I suspected the words he chose, “a bit of a diva” were deliberately understated to soften the delivery. If that’s as strong as the perception truly is then I’d say people around work don’t really know me at all. You want to see a diva, I can give you a Capital D to the IVA.

I pledged to attempt to work harder at developing interpersonal relationships with people around the office, and my clients. He went on. He used the word “aloof”– a word I detest. I explained what others perceive as being aloof is really just being guarded. I’m careful, I’m diplomatic, I’m professional. I guess that comes off to some people as entitled snobby little punk. Oh well I guess, if the stiletto fits . . .

After having a relaxing weekend away from the daily grind, spent in my true element preparing pieces to show in a fantastic art and fashion show this summer, creating and dreaming and reveling in the glittering colorful beautiful world inside my head, I emerged Monday morning with a wonderfully renewed sense of self. The perhaps unfortunate byproduct of this renewal, however, being that I realized I don’t much care what people at the office think of me.

In general, I don’t care all that much what anyone thinks of me anyway. Sure I like to be liked, but not being liked doesn’t have any effect whatsoever on how much I like me. I did say that I’ll try to “reach out” more at work, and I will, but I’m certainly not going to bend over backwards to make people see me as any less of a diva. If anything, they better be ready to see more of one. At one point in that horribly awkward conversation with my boss I did explain that the momentum I’m building with Shameless Glamour (which they are thankfully supportive of) is so exiting for me that I am likely to feel a little extra empowered and a little extra confident as things continue to blossom for me in that area of my life. That’s likely to make me act even more diva-esque.

Truthfully, I can hardly wait for the day when Shameless Glamour is ready to become my full time gig and I no longer have to have a “day job.” This is after all the dream of every small time entrepreneur in the beginning. Holding on to that dream is what gives me the strength to get up every week day and go to my boring thankless job.

The message that I have to share through my creations, through my REAL work, is one that by its nature, creates divas. Divas of all shapes and sizes and colors and orientations. Those are the people who wear my designs. Those are the people who know me. Those are the people I want to spend time around. Fellow artists and craftspeople. Lovers of all things sparkly. My Shameless Diva Nation.

If through my art I inspire even one little girl or boy to hold their head up high, rock some rhinestones and be the diva they were born to be, even if people will call them “aloof” or “snobby” or any of a hundred other things a diva can be called by people who don’t understand them, then it will be more than worth not having a lot of friends in the business world. The business world doesn’t get me. It doesn’t get any of us. But honestly, would we want it to? I’d say the business world better watch who it calls a bit of a diva, because it could be worse. I’m guessing if someone has an issue with me not asking about their day before I make a request of them, then they really wouldn’t like me walking around wearing a crown and a rhinestone encrusted corset in the office every day . . . and that could be arranged.

World Peace

There is a rather well known stereotype that women who compete in beauty pageants are a bunch of vapid sparkly coked-up airheads who think that “world peace” is actually an achievable thing and given an opportunity to address a crowd, (such as during their moment of on stage glory during a beauty pageant) they will speak of it in a dewy, idealistic, generally ignorant way, with glassy eyes staring into oblivion and a robotic perma-smile emblazoned on their clueless faces.

Another sterotype about beauty queens, and perhaps this is more of a stereotype known better to those involved in the pageant world, is that beauty queens are shameless self-promoters. I had a very intense philosophical discussion about this with two fellow beauty queen friends in the car on the drive over to the pageant we all attended together a few weeks ago. (Yes, beauty queens have intense philosophical discussions). The word shameless kept coming up over and over. Shameless, being the entire theme of my business and something I generally look at as being a positive, self affirming, make no excuses, love who you are quality, could also be used to describe the, “get a picture of me in my crown over here with this homeless guy” mentality that beauty queens so easily fall victim too in the race for a bigger crown.

Like most stereotypes, both of these generalities have some roots in truth. But it’s the over generalizing and applying to wider groups of people that creates a stereotype, and makes it offensive in the first place. As a beauty pageant contestant, I am here to tell you, I have never tried cocaine. The rest of it, all true. My two friends and I made a pact in the car that night to be more aware of the self promotion behavior this year, and keep our actual volunteerism separate from our “appearances” where the crown and sash come out. As for the behavior of acting like Prozac zombie Barbies who believe in world peace . . . well, I’m not sure I can do anything about that one.

I do believe world peace is possible, and I do believe that human kind can forge a continued existence on this tortured planet and move toward healing the damage we’ve already done. Maybe I’m a little naïve, maybe I’m a little over-idealistic, but I don’t think its ignorance that allows me to still believe in the possibility of world peace and world wide healing. I pay attention. I watch John Stewart.

With the people of several nations in Northern Africa rising up over the past month and overthrowing their dictatorial governments, I think a lot of people like myself have found inspiration watching revolutions unfold. Yes, its not exactly peaceful, but times like this, tragic as they are, make you believe in strength in numbers, make you feel that by working together we can accomplish common goals, even a goal of eventual peace among Nations. If they can do that, then we can also do whatever it is that’s close to our own hearts here at home.

At the pageant a few weeks ago, when I wasn’t scrutinizing every inch of their butts for cellulite and thinking to myself “omg, I wonder if my thighs are that jiggly . . . ” I listened carefully to the ladies on stage talking about their individual platforms. I was inspired by the sheer variety of topics out there to be tackled and seeing that each of these ladies was taking on something different. The following week, a fellow member of a Green Living Committee I’m involved in through a professional organization, leant me a video. It’s called One Peace at a Time. The premise of this wonderful film is that if all the world’s problems or all of a region’s or group’s problems piled on top of each other seem too big to handle, too much to ever solve, one should start with the most basic one, and go from there. Just pick something, and tackle the thing that is the most basic item at the heart of the problem that’s important to you, and work on that.

That’s what beauty queens do. Beauty queens have an uncanny ability to pick a cause as their personal platform, roll up their beaded sleeves and dive into it, driving support to it, and speaking about it with passion, this is one of the reasons I’m proud to be a beauty queen, despite the stereotypes associated with it. Sure, we tend to make our personal stand wearing a crown and stopping occasionally to pose for photo-ops, but all self-promotion aside, there really isn’t many other activities in the modern world that allow a gal a reason to wear a crown in pubic, so you have to forgive us for wanting to get as much use out of it as possible.

I have also recently been looking for a way to use my business, Shameless Glamour, to support some of my personal causes so that it won’t just be a hollow and empty venture supplying sparkly things for meaningless purposes. (and to tie it in with my pageant platform thereby providing me with seamless segway options when discussing my business aspirations in a pageant interview, to move into talking about my community involvement . . . damn that is pretty self-promoting isn’t it?) So, anyway, this weekend, on an inspiration binger, between redesigning my website and ripping apart the altogether wrong start I had on my latest corset project, I designed a very special “Earth” glass nugget glitter cocktail ring.

I’ve been making these fun daytime casual glitter glass nugget rings with Hello Kitty and Mr. Yuck stickers for a while now, but I’m really excited about this new design, because it’s more than fashion, it’s meaning. It’s my little symbol of a clean, healthy, peaceful, sparkly, beautiful, utopian world. I’ve decided that the proceeds from the sales of this particular ring design will be donated to Environmental Working Group and/or Washington Toxics Coalition campaigns. It’s a small thing, but for my little fledgling business, (which is not exactly making a profit yet) I think it’s a good start. I believe that what the world truly needs to deal with the issues facing our generation as leaders, is just that, a start. . . . and world peace.

Humility

I have a girlfriend who will be celebrating her 30^th this year on Halloween and she and her sister and I have decided to do it up big in Vegas. Since my 30^th birthday ended up falling on a cold windy rainy traffic laden Friday night, my birthday party that year (as well as every major birthday party I've ever had) was less than well attended. So I'm looking forward to her's, October in a climate where you can wear a skimpy outfit without planning on only going places that have a coat and umbrella check. And since its Las Vegas, and I happen to be a woman who owns a jewelry company, it will be one more opportunity this year to draw some attention and hand out some business cards.

Yes, Halloween is still seven months away, but I do tend to plan my costumes that far ahead, I mean that kind of fabulousness can't just be whipped out at the last minute, it takes preparation. As things continue to come together for the online store, and I make plans for a blow out launch party and a trip to the East Coast this summer for a pageant/PR campaign, the year is shaping up to be a very over the top all out glam year for me. I wouldn't want it any other way (you know, in case this is the year before the end of modern society as we know it.)

In keeping with the all out glam theme, I think it may finally be the year I do Marie Antionette. I hadn't gone there before because it got a little cliché trendy there for a few years when the movie with Kirsten Dunst came out, but that is dying down now so I think it might be the perfect time to go for it. I've also been having these visions lately of how I might someday pull together a dream of an actual physical store, and in my mind's eye, I see white glitter covered mannequins in the front window, with Marie Antionette wigs, wearing my little feathered top hats and mini crowns. The fabulous former Dauphine of France is sort of becoming a sub-theme to my 2011.

The one issue I've been stumbling over a little since my revelation about contributing to the downfall of society, has been finding a balance between the utter fabulousness that I normally embody, and something called . . . humility. Shamelessness is pretty much the exact opposite of humility. How does one keep a modicum of humility when all of their goals involve promoting something that's all about freedom of expression, freedom to be over the top, and the freedom to boldly say “LOOK AT ME!!!?”

Well, for a start, I'm working on a page for my website to provide links and information on various charitable and/or activist organizations I already support, and can support even more through my business. For example, things like donating some jewelry to The Ruby Room, a local organization which collects used formal gowns and provides them to girls who can't afford a dress for their prom. Girls need the right jewelry for that prom dress, too. Shameless Glamour is going to be all about helping teens cultivate self-esteem through supporting organizations like The Ruby Room and keeping the arts in schools, as well as safe cosmetics for glamour that doesn't hurt the environment or cause disease. So, social responsibility may provide a little bit of weight to the other side of the scale, conscious-wise, but does it really help me remain humble? No, not really. It makes me feel even better about myself. Now look at me, I'm all sparkly and fabulous and helping others and saving the world and crap.

The thing about the word humilty that scares me is that from the same root comes the word humilate. I don't like to be humiliated. I don't want to have to lose embarrassingly to learn a lesson. I don't want to lose period. I want to be the decisive and glorious victor. Funny that my choice for a Halloween costume this year is someone who I'm sure, must have felt the same way. I wonder if Marie Antionette had moments (maybe just before the angry mob of French countrymen chopped off her head?) when she thought she needed a little more humility? Maybe I should go as Marie, post revolution. A zombie with head re-attached, yet now humble, Marie Antionette. Hmmm . . . I'll think about it.